a new place and thoughts on moving
reading: Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett
listening: All the Old Showstoppers by the New Pornographers
it's been a very busy month plus since I last updated this blog. throughout April, I was keenly focused on completing final projects for my master's degree. I defended my thesis on like, one of the very last possible days to do so, but it went very well and my committee was incredibly helpful and supportive. the class I taught also went well, and I'm happy to report that the vast majority of my students' writing seemed to grow over the semester. For the final project for one of my classes, I got to really have a lot of fun with static web design and created the Digizine Manifesto (mind some flashing text), which also helped me learn how to use coding software, treat CSS a bit like a toy, and so on. With that knowledge under my belt, I'm in the process of developing another site for particular short stories which likely will never be linked on this blog, if you catch my meaning. :)
After the end of the semester, I covered some hours at the writing center and got to speak on a panel about long-term/lengthy writing projects aimed at graduate students. While I love working with students generally, there's a certain specificity that comes with helping graduate students with their work. Whenever the opportunity to chat about my hyperfixations comes up, it's a great time, and grad students are typically working on projects that involve their own personal passions. You can feel the excitement coming from the writer in these consultations, and it's energizing and inspiring!
Even once the semester was over and I formally received my diploma, I hardly got the chance to take a break and rest. T and I needed to get ready for our big move; in Fall, I'll be starting a PhD program at the University of Minnesota, so we needed to pack up and get our house in selling condition. I did a lot of yardwork, packing, cleaning, etc. etc... as anyone who's sold a house understands, it's a lot of work.
We initially bought our home in 2020, when interest rates were historically low. In retrospect, this was kind of an insane thing to do, given all the uncertainty around COVID and what the economy was doing, but the iron was hot, and it felt like a more stable decision to make (especially considering how landlords can, and will, raise rent on a whim). T and I adored (and still adore) that house, and it made for a cozy, perfect little home. I proposed to him in our living room, though signing the mortgage already represented our commitment to each other.
The move itself has been successful, but stressful. Once we got all our shit unpacked into our new, small apartment, I had my minor emotional breakdown. I miss our house so much and sobbed over it, I miss being close to my parents, I miss familiar places and the friends I could see so often. The sad reality is that Nebraska, as a state, has very little to offer, and is continually getting more and more dangerous to live in as a trans person. The governor is an evil, small-minded man; the republicans in charge kowtow to him without question. Even the democrat who represented my district ended up undermining voters for her own self-interests and profit. I never wanted to stay in Nebraska for my whole life, but I also certainly didn't want to feel pushed out--a sentiment I think I've expressed here before. I keep looking at the zillow listing for our house and feeling sad. Hopefully, it'll sell fast. I really hope our best offer is from a family and not some landlord, but it'll come down to money more than anything due to T and I's circumstances here. We want to be able to afford a house again soon, and downpayments aren't cheap.
So, we're in Minneapolis now. I can see the city skyline from my living room window and it's gorgeous, and sometimes I still can't believe I live in a place like this. I'm even closer to downtown Minneapolis than I was to downtown Lincoln, back in Nebraska! The neighborhood is fantastic and has a lot to do, and I'm really enjoying settling here. Thankfully, T and I know folks here who we've been close to for ages--one of my friends here I've known since I was in 1st grade. T also has family here and close by, so it was a soft landing. I've found lots of places I want to make regular visits to, and I'm excited for all the potential around here. Currently I'm looking for part-time work before the school year starts, since some kind of paycheck would let us do so much more and provide more stability. Here's hoping something pulls through.
In more important news, T's grandpa passed away in May. He was old and had health problems, but it was tragic how quickly he declined in health. I'm relieved that he got to pass away in his home and surrounded by his family--death is never easy, but I think that his circumstances were the best possible way to pass. He was the only grandpa I really knew, too, since I wasn't born when my dad's father passed, and my mom's passed away before I was old enough to really remember him. He was a very hard-working and loving man, and I think he left a beautiful legacy.
So, it's been a lot of change and stress over a short amount of time. I'm enjoying the Twin Cities a lot, though. The other day T and I went to the Como Park Conservatory to see (and smell!) the blooming corpse flower, which was an awesome experience. I'm excited for when our respective sides of the family visit, since there's a lot to see and do, and we're finding more and more places to take our folks when they're here. It's tough being so far away from our immediate families, but I think that makes visits all the more meaningful.
In the interim, I'm in search of retail jobs before fall starts. I've got a couple applications out there, but haven't heard anything back. With any luck, I'll get some kind of part-time gig for more of a financial buffer, especially since I'd like to replace one of our furniture pieces in the living room as soon as I can. Instead of moving our normal loveseat (because the apartment halls and stairways are so narrow), we brought a double-wide papasan chair. It's comfortable to lay down in, but not for extended periods, and I think that sitting in that all day has fucked my neck over. Last night was the first time in nearly a week that I was able to sleep on my side without developing a piercing headache. Fortunately I was able to get muscle relaxers and a visit to a PT very quickly, and the exercises she's having me do are very helpful. All that said, please send me good vibes for the job hunt, if you've got any to spare!
Speaking of healthcare - the clinic that T and I go to for primary care is really nice. We were fortunate enough to establish care very early on after moving. We're also getting more familiar with the public transit system and other local resources--I've already got my library card (and a card for the Quatrefoil Library, a queer-specific collection!) and know of other nearby spaces to spend time. Because of my neck issue keeping me up at night, and because of not having a lot of liquid money, I've been a real homebody. On the bright side, T and I have plenty of free or cheap entertainment to our avail. We've got a few youtubers we watch regularly, I've got plenty of books to read through, and T has been making great use of the library to specifically check out CDs and such. There are a lot more free events happening regularly, too, which is fantastic.
Pride is this weekend, too! We'll be going with friends to both the corporate version and the people's pride in another part of town. I'm really happy that there are so many ways to celebrate, and even before the big celebration this weekend, there were lots of smaller pop-up style events going on to visit. We've run into a few local queer artists/artisans whose work we like, and I'm looking forward to decorating the walls with nice prints and such. What is it with landlords and painting everything such a stark white color, anyway? I guess it makes a room feel a little larger and won't clash with furniture, but pastels are an option, too!
On the topic of landlords and renting, sheesh does this place really represent many aspects of the "landlord special" typical of rentals. For the most part the paint has been done well (there are no painted-over outlet covers and such, thank god!), but one of our fixtures in the bathroom is just straight-up busted. The stove is annoying and temperamental, the kitchen really lacks counter space, there are baseboard heaters that don't function, there's just one W/D unit for the entire building, and the dishwasher sounds like the Silent Hill soundtrack when you shut it. At least we have an onsite W/D, but I really miss being able to just. Do the laundry. On my schedule. One of our neighbors clogged up the washer all day, then didn't get her clothes from the dryer, either--we ended up just putting it all in a box for her because, yknow, our clothes needed to get dry, too. Sharing a unit with randos does bug me tbh, but I wouldn't mind nearly as much if people were a hair more considerate to their neighbors. Allegedly the landlord is planning on installing a second W/D unit and bring in updated ones... I'll believe it when I see it. This building is a bit of a slum. The unit we live in itself is decent and clean, but I feel like an urbex youtuber whenever I need to go to the basement. T and I are hoping to purchase our own house again soonish. Wish us luck on that front, too!
Anyway, that's what's been going on lately in my life! Despite all the complaints I have in that last paragraph, things have been going really well. I'm happy to live in a place where I see so many queer people out and about, and where government policies are being passed that actually help people. Despite all the insanity happening nationally, I feel pretty stable and have been doing OK!
- Marc